slobbert dot ORG

…and you’re not.  nyah nyah!  so there.
–onkel slobbert

April 14th, 2008 - By slobbert     Filed under : General    1 Comment »    

blogging in total obscurity is freedom. i can think of maybe four people that have indicated that they’ve read more than one post of mine over the years. and, well, that’s only four more people than my mom has, and she doesn’t even have a blog. i have close to five years of archived posts and she almost ties me. so, if i have no audience, then i’m basically talking to myself through this medium. the question is, do i answer myself, too?

yes. yes i do.

like i said, it’s freedom. i could say rude things about my wife, who is incidentally not one of the four readers. i could write some shitty poem on the spot. or i could give links to my favorite porn clips.

oh, that reminds me. every once in a while, we’ll have cinemax on the tv in our bedroom, playing some movie that we think will put us to sleep. so, sometimes, one or both of us will wake up in the middle of the night to moaning from the tv. that’s right. good ol’ skinemax and their late night softcore porn flicks. and they’re all awful. goofy looking broads, plastic men, and cheeseball dialog, performances, and writing. not to mention the stupid-looking simulated sex. we woke up to one the other night. it was maybe 4am or something. the story involved time-travelling witches and a pilgrim-looking witchfinder. well, when it didn’t involve tits and ass. as if the plausibility of hot women who’ll fuck everyone at the drop of a hat wasn’t enough of a stretch–we gotta watch witches and a disapproving voyeur guy sporting 17th century fashion. it was so bad, this movie, that we both watched it for an hour.

and then there’s last night, when a young college hot blondie girl fucked a guy in a gorilla suit. i couldn’t make this up. i laughed myself to sleep. my wife had already passed out, so she missed it.

anyway, there’s so many other things i could do. i suppose i could talk more about music or something.

oh, yeah. that reminds me. i was talking on a forum about how to handle discussing music with my wife. i basically said it’s a bad idea. this is what i posted:

i find it’s best to not talk about it too much. my wife hates metal and makes fun of me when i talk about music in general, adding, “you forget that i don’t care.” if she blabbed on and on about louis vuitton, i’d react the same way. so i’m learning to shut up about music around her. anytime i break this rule, she inevitably asks something like, “why do you remember who produced a genesis album in 1981, but you can’t remember to take the trash out?” …and that does me no good whatsoever.

there’s so much i could do in a post like this. i could also waste the time of at least four people on a worthless post. you’re welcome very much. take that, nonexistent audience of my mom’s nonexistent blog! my audience is better! you are all jerks! yeah!!

so.

who here suddenly has an urge to fuck a gorilla?

April 11th, 2008 - By slobbert     Filed under : General    1 Comment »    

i’ve spent quite a bit of time changing all the various links and things to the new domain, both internally and externally. what a pain in the ass. i’m sure there are some i’ve missed, too. what the hell. it’s not that big a deal, really. no one reads this anyway. i’m pretty sure the world kept turning without my blog out on the interwebz for the last five or six weeks. i am very happy to have it back, though. yay! ramblings!

the first draft of the screenplay is finished. and it’s looooooooooooong. if it were to be made into a movie, it’d be over 3 hours in length. that’s about twice as long as a comedy should be. so now halla and i are re-writing and re-arranging the whole thing to fit in smaller episodic segments that we can eventually release online once filmed and edited. thankfully, the original structure of the film actually lends itself to an episodic nature. the overarching plot is insanely stupid and lame, but the subplots are all what make the film funny, and they were all originally segmented chronologically anyway. this way, in episodic form online, we’ll be able to build an audience more or less as we film. we’ll film more or less in chronological order, especially in the beginning, whilst also filming blocks of various scenes that take place in specific recurring locations. we’ll have episodes out before we’ve finished filming. what’s great is that we have 15 episodes (give or take) already written. we’ve also begun outlining a prequel, just because we had a seed of an idea take shape while writing the first, and we figure we should remain prolific. the specific story elements of this prequel are, once again, comedy genius. we really are an amazing duo of writers.

pre-production is moving forward slowly in the meantime, as we chop up the first script. the director, editor, producer, crew, and about two-thirds of the principal actors are already in place. i leave that mostly up to halla, really. after all, at the moment, it’s his production company anyway. if he wants my help, he’ll come for it. in the meantime, i’m content to be the bitchy talent. mostly, i just can’t believe that we’re finally doing this, after all the years of saying “we need to make this movie!”

this is proving to be an exciting year.

April 4th, 2008 - By slobbert     Filed under : General    No Comments »    

let me start this first post on my new .org domain by saying a big FUCK YOU! to the person that swiped my slobbert.com domain.  asshole.

April 4th, 2008 - By slobbert     Filed under : General    No Comments »    

…for another phantom to visit Scrooge. Ebenezer certainly experienced a change of heart on Christmas, yet on Valentine’s Day he sounded like his old bitter self. He grumbled endlessly to Bob of the loathsome Saint Valentine.

The pitiful memories of young Ebenezer’s fateful engagement to the lovely Belle wasn’t to blame. Alas, the resentment Scrooge held for Valentine’s Day began with a much deeper pain.

All the candies, chocolates and soft kisses in the world could not prevent a cherubic boy from accidentally shooting an arrow into Scrooge’s bony ass on one freezing February morning.

Bah.

Humbug.

February 14th, 2008 - By slobbert     Filed under : General    No Comments »    

almost fifty pages of screenplay written.  5 worlds each of super mario bros and super mario bros 3 beaten.  it’s been a productive year so far.

February 6th, 2008 - By slobbert     Filed under : General    No Comments »    

i was surfing the genesis forum when i was reminded that today is phil collins’ birthday. so what better way to solidify my fanboyism than to celebrate his b-day on my personal blog, since that’s such a fanboy thing to do!

so what do i do? show a favorite lyric? a picture? share a special song? one of his music videos perhaps? that commercial with the gorilla? some ancient genesis video when he had hair and a scraggly beard? ooh, or howzabout a clip of his appearance in grand theft auto: vice city? or even better, the hilarious phil/genesis speech from american psycho? (”don’t just stare at it, eat it!”)

nah.

i may be a fanboy, but i’m also just enough of an asshole to share this awful clip:

January 30th, 2008 - By slobbert     Filed under : General    No Comments »    

the latest news: clay aiken is taking a lead role, sir robin, in spamalot later this week.

and according to the news article, he thought Monty Python was a person up until three months ago. And he thought the play sucked the first time he saw it.

well, that’s a fucking brilliant casting decision right there. a guy unfamiliar with the source material, unappreciative of its nuances, and, oh, never mind all that: it’s clay fucking aiken. yeah, let’s put him in the production!

it would suck less to have osama bin laden play king arthur than it will to have clay fucking aiken anywhere near spamalot.

if i lived in NYC and had some free time, i’d protest that fucking play on the grounds that the monumental suckage of clay aiken far outweighs his familiar name and that he should be pulled off the stage–any stage, in fact–immediately. do not ruin a good thing by putting someone that bad, and that uninterested in the material, in one of the lead roles.

run away!
run away!

i wonder if the nasty taunting frenchies had anything to do with this catastrophic choice.

January 16th, 2008 - By slobbert     Filed under : General    3 Comments »    

it’s fucking cold.

chicagoans have been facing temperatures below zero today, which is when the wind stings your face. it’s tough for those of us that rely on public transportation. plus, you may see a weather report that gives the temperature as -0 degrees. it wasn’t enough to say that it was 0 degrees, they had to make it colder by saying it was negative zero.

it’s a reminder that it’s winter time. ideally, it’s the season to slow down. reflect.  hibernate. dream. curl up with a warm body and spend your present thinking of the future. take the time to exercise your creative instincts. let your mind drift like the snow, and let your soul fly faster than the freezing wind.

dr. xnlb uploaded some ambient-flavored tracks to share with us. they may guide your consciousness and spirit to be released for a little while. these tracks, crafted in sunny florida, will easily warm anyone’s gooey center. explore and enjoy.

January 3rd, 2008 - By slobbert     Filed under : General    2 Comments »    

nicole just checked the caller id and questioned the last call.

“that’s the voice mail,”i replied.  “the one where Poo calls me a nigger.”

“no,” she corrected, “he called you a nigga.  there’s a difference.”

okay, then.  there you go.

December 30th, 2007 - By slobbert     Filed under : General    2 Comments »